Satire: The Irrational Sports Fan

I, like almost everyone in the world, have an imaginary (or not so imaginary) friend named Joe. Joe is the classic Notre Dame (or any other team) fan. He's a total supporter of the Irish. He been rooting for them for six whole months after winning a fluke bet with one of his buddies. He continues his tradition of never actually going to a live game and insists on staying in his house alone wearing his beloved Notre Dame jersey, the one he found ripped and stained and bought for 99 cents at Gabriel Brothers. At the water cooler on Monday, you won't find Joe. He's busy trying to avoid his coworkers because the Irish lost the weekend by 40. But when the Irish win, he's positioned there stalking his prey as he prepares to talk some serious smack. Whenever Notre Dame plays someone they're not supposed to beat, Joe may be calling and upset on Friday, but by Monday he resorts to the always effective "I told you they would bet Notre Dame!". When someone invites him to watch the game at his or her house, Joe will only go if the main game of interest involves Notre Dame. He's so dedicated, he will go into shock if the host switches the channel during the commercial break. His favorite movie is Rudy, although he's never actually seen the whole thing. He's so emotionally committed that he cried for hours when the Irish didn't sign a top recruit, even though Joe didn't know his name. It is our job as sports fans to live up to the unspoken fan code, but still always knowing that we will never stoop to the levels of "Joes" everywhere.