Fear

Soundtrack: "Fear" - Low - I Could Live In Hope (Vernon Yard Recordings - 1994)

As a person, I am marked by my intense fears. These fears can be the mundane centipede, but often they manifest in more philosophical ways. One of my greatest fears is that life, existence, experience simply won't amount to much at all. I mean, surely things happen that are pleasurable, but I am struggling to find a moment where I was able to feel something intensely - in a way that made any of it seem memorable. It seems as time progresses that all of my experience just slips away because I did nothing to preserve it or it simply was not worth the preservation. I am not a pessimistic person; I do not believe that I am trying to see this all in a negative light. It just happens to be that everything is not what I thought it was. There is an idea, an expectation for what it is to experience life, and that idea seems to have been somewhat miscommunicated to me. I fear that this sensation of experiencing inadequately is one that is indelible - a sensation that is simply the nature of all experience or at least mine.