creepy men

Well, I already wrote about my biggest ‘life’ fear (settling) in my last post, so I’ll write about my secondary fear: strange men and getting kidnapped. This has always been my mom’s biggest fear for herself and then for us, so of course, it freaks the heck out of me.

Before I had this intense fear, my mom just really annoyed me with this. When I thought I was all big and bad and cool in 7^th grade and wanted to go do things with my friends without my mom, at the time, my mom was the most annoying thing about it. I didn’t understand how easy it is for people to just be snatched up and gone, but my mom did. She never let me go anywhere without her there. And because I went to Winburn and played volleyball after school, she was super anxious about it. I wasn’t allowed to wait outside for her to pick me up, I wasn’t allowed to talk to any parents I didn’t know, and I had to make sure I had my cell phone at all times. It frustrated me because I’ve always been pretty mature for my age and I thought I could be trusted, but she always said that she trusted me, just not the people in the world.

I’m not really sure when her fear developed into one of my biggest fears, but it did. I remember going for a jog around my neighborhood my freshman year and being so scared that someone was following me that I cried (and I rarely cry). No joke. I thought that every car I saw was just a creepy man trying to get me. When I would be with anyone in public, I was ALWAYS very aware of the people around me. I would get so obsessed that I held my phone in case I needed to call 911.

Sadly, all of these little habits are still present, and I can notice my sister starting to get the same. After we go to bed, she (in 8^th grade…) goes downstairs to make sure all the doors are locked and the lights turned off. I’m basically afraid of anyone getting into my house, following me anywhere, approaching me anywhere with the idea that they’re going to kidnap, torture, and kill me. And now that I drive everywhere, this freaks me out to no end. I walk to my car with my keys and my phone ready. I know that at some point I should be able to get past this, but I hear too many stories of girls my age just disappearing for the fear to go away.

Maybe this is just a really sad and freaky and scary post, but this is honestly one of my biggest fears. (So if you’re a creepy old man reading this, GET AWAY BEFORE I CLAW YOUR EYES OUT WITH MY KEYS)