Sunday, November 4, 2012

Blog #9

What scares me most is my future. I fear for a time when I am the one in total control of my life and a majority of what I've been taught is for naught. I've always been very hesitant with things that evoke change and my future is one of them. Thinking about it causes me great anxiety so I usually try to stray away from that topic.
I also fear heights and small spaces; two much less important things in the grand scheme of things. I'm completely terrified of falling down from a high place, especially if the place I am standing from/thing I am sitting on collapses and I have no control over it. I've refused to come down from sitting on a roof because I felt so high up, I have panic attacks and/or cry on most roller coasters, and I can't walk properly if I'm near the edge of a place where I can look down and see how far up I am. I'm also claustrophobic, as I mentioned a few sentences ago. I guess I "developed" this fear somewhere around second grade when a friend of mine brought it up and then I was sort of conditioned into it. I'm scared of being caught in a small space and having no way out. I had to get an MRI (at least, I'm pretty sure it was an MRI...) last year and being in that small space for such a long time actually caused me to be physically sick. They make you hold your breath while the machine takes the picture and I was near hyperventilating the whole time. This also kind of incorporates into my fear of crowds. I don't like being in a place filled with a lot of people that I don't know and it usually causes me anxiety.
On a lesser note, however, I do not like the number 6. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's a phobia, but I do try to avoid it at all costs and all the "rituals" that I do to avoid it are perhaps enough to evoke a sense of unease in most people. (I don't, like, sacrifice people or anything. I just don't let things add up to six in the order that I do them if this makes any sense at all.)

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