The Handsomest of Them All

Andrew, Andrew in the flesh... Don't you know you look the best!?!?

Hi, my name's Mira and I spend most of my day on the wall in a small, generally clean bathroom that is in desperate need of a paint job. However, I like my job. I get to choose how people look on certain days. If I'm feeling extra bright and shiny in the morning, its a good hair day for everybody! But if I'm extra-vindictive you will not be pleased with how you look on that day.

I'm required by the Code of Mirrors to give everybody a certain time period of 1 to 3 years where they look extremely bad. For most people it comes between the ages of 11 and 15, but others will have to wait until they get old and super wrinkly (you just wait Brad Pitt, those Hollywood mirrors will hate you eventually). I try to be gentle and just go with the regular pizza face mixed with the lawnmower haircut, but sometimes I like to spice it up and throw in an irregular breast size or premature facial hair.

My favorite pupil is Andrew. He's just so gosh-darn cute I can't stand it, so I always make him look good. I rarely treat him with malice, except for that one blackhead above his eyes that made him look like an Indian. Andrew and I just have this special connection that will never be broken. Every morning when he gets out of the shower I just say to him, "Thy face doth bring rays of sunlight to the world and thy body giveth nothing but joy to those who admire".

Look, I'm not here to make anybody feel bad about themselves, I'm on this wall to show people that there is beauty in everybody, inside and out. Some people just need to stay away from me more than others, like most women over 40 in Alabama. Stay good-lookin my friends, especially you Andrew ;)

P.S. If you splatter toothpaste on me one more time I will give you a zit so big they will make a movie about it called Indiana Andrew and the Pimple of Doom.