Scrub a Dub Dub

The toilets think they have it bad. The trashcans think they have it bad. But let me tell you, being a sponge is the most degrading position one can hold. My sole purpose in life is to be RUBBED against filth. Do you know how it feels to be shoved under a freezing stream of water, squeezed until the last drop of life leaves you, and then crammed against multiple unidentifiable substances? The humans subject us to this cruel and unusual punishment and at the same time look upon us in disgust. As if this weren't bad enough, television tries to make light of our jobs! I dare say, you will never catch me on the job in square pants. Nor will you ever find me befriending a squirrel under the sea. How absurd people can be... Even after all this maltreatment, we sponges remain strong. Ungrateful humans squish and squeeze us but, try as they might, they will never bend us. We are strong troopers; we fight grime and sacrifice our bodies so that the world might be a better place. I'd even go as far to say that we are the soldiers of the household. Where would the forks, knives, dishes, cups, and even humans be without us? Drowning in their own filth no doubt. So, as honorable sponges, we endure harsh conditions to improve the lives of others.